The Cactus Surgeon

Feeling Blah?

It’s my stop on the blog tour for Feeling Blah by Tanith Carey. Before reading, I had never heard of anhedonia, which is when you feel more bad than good:

You have stopped looking forward to activities
While you are doing them, you don’t enjoy them anymore
Afterwards, you tend to have a negative memory of them, so you don’t want to do them again

This book will be useful for people who know they are not depressed but yet feel like they don’t enjoy life as much as they used to. It might be a relief to know that there is a middle ground. That it’s not simply a case of whether you are depressed or not.

Tanith brings together a wealth of research and personal experiences to bring science to life. Part 1 tells us more about Anhedonia and helps frame it in the context of modern life. I know that periods of poor mental health can be hard to accept, and it’s easy to blame yourself. So this section will build understanding and perhaps lighten the load for sufferers. It also gives some simple ways to track anhedonia – which Tanith suggests could be the difference between letting your emotions control you and getting mastery over them. And I found the chapter How Your Childhood May be Standing in the Way fascinating. That section could definitely be a lightbulb moment for readers.

Part 2 is What Anhedonia Means for You, looking at your body and what’s happening. Includes sections on sleep, diet, menopause, thyroid issues and addiction. I like that it takes a holistic view on health, and doesn’t ignore other factors.

Part 3 is How to Feel Fully Alive Again, a useful resource which readers can dip in and out of as they work towards leading a happier life. This chapter reflected my experiences of recovering from burnout and FND and the ways I tried to improve my mood. I agree with the power of noticing good moments when they happen and that taking small steps is always better than doing nothing. Tanith highlights that research shows it can take as little as seven weeks of self-generating positive emotions to reduce symptoms of low mood.

There are practical tips on how to talk to your partner about your anhedonia. ideas on how to create a joyful home, and I’m also pleased to see she includes how beneficial it can be to spend time in nature. She says, “We pay a high price with our well-being when we cut ourselves off from the outside.”

Being an avid reader of health books, including some referenced by Tanith, I recognised much of the advice. Her tips were well-researched and easy to read and digest. Being the first book to tackle Anhedonia, it will appeal to many individuals who sit in the grey area between being happy and depressed. Many people sit in that liminal space, adamant they are not depressed but unsure how to regain their mojo. For them, this book could be a godsend.

This blog is written by Hannah Powell, book blogger, author and director of two garden centres. Her award-winning memoir, The Cactus Surgeon, compares her days in the concrete of London, leading to burnout, with her nature-rich upbringing in rural Essex. It’s a nature and health memoir full of mindful moments.

I need to get my hands dirty

OK, I admit it. I desperately need to get my hands in the soil. I missed gardening when I lived in London in the noughties and only realised when I suffered from burnout and functional neurological disorder. Then I moved to Essex and immersed myself in rural life, enjoying reconnecting with the natural world. I have transformed our front and back garden lawns by adding flower beds. They comfort and cocoon me and attract a whole array of birds and insects.

During the pandemic, like everyone else, we pounded local footpaths and spent as many hours as we could in the garden. It was heaven in that respect. Not that I would repeat the wider experience in a hurry.

Since then, the hours spent outside in nature have eroded bit by bit like the Norfolk cliffs. Not completely; I would never let that happen. But enough for me to notice and to want to rectify it. I don’t mind so much in the winter, I’m content to hibernate for a bit and retreat inside.

Once Spring is sprung, I get itchy. I want, or need, to be in the garden. It’s a physical and mental desire. I enjoy being more active, and it’s good for my mental health. It quietens any negative chatter. This year the weather has not been helpful. We had a wet March, and April has been a mixed bag. I’ve only spent one weekend this year in the garden, weeding and creating two new flower beds. It’s just not enough!

So, here is my job list for the rest of April, May and June:

The front garden needs weeding
I need a couple more plants for my barrel pond
There are two pots to fill in a shady spot in the front garden
I need some new pots to create a new grouped display on our patio – herbs, tropical, or something else. Not sure!
I have a square raised bed that has been a veg garden and a cut flower garden in the past, neither with much success. I need a new plan for this space, and it might have to be radical. The conifer next door just fills any soil with roots and steals the water
Level some ground next to the fence between two shrubs and add a cocoon chair as a reading spot
Sow some seeds and watch them grow…
Build a log shelter with a worktop on top to use as a potting bench

That should keep me busy! By sharing my intention to garden with you, I feel it is more likely to come true. I feel more accountable. What are you hoping to do in your garden or outside space this year? I’d love to know…

Isaac and The Egg

Today it’s my stop on the blog tour for a book which is like nothing else I have ever read. Isaac and the Egg is a tale of grief and recovery. Of love and friendship. Of life and loss. It’s hard to believe this is Bobby Palmer’s first novel. It’s easy to read, like The Rosie Project or The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry. Every chapter left me wanting more. I couldn’t put it down.

The book starts with a description of Isaac, who is not in a good place, and his discovery of Egg. From the moment they met, I was completely hooked. I didn’t predict how the story would conclude because it’s so creative. If you like linear, predictable books, this one won’t be for you. If you don’t like vagueness and uncertainty, it’s probably not going to float your boat. However, if you are prepared to put real life to one side and soak up the imagery, ideas and emotion in Bobby’s writing, you will love it. It’s a book you should discover for yourself, so I am loathe to write too much here.

So what can I tell you? I loved Egg. He is fun, endearing and unique. I cared about what happened to Isaac, even when his character was hard to like. I enjoyed Bobby’s exploration of loss and grief. Isaac was way below rock bottom, and that comes through in spades. Because of this, it is not easy to read in parts but stick with it and I promise you will be rewarded.

Be careful in whose footsteps you tread

I’m happily married and will celebrate twelve years of marriage this year. When my husband proposed near Beachy Head in Sussex, he was surprised at the detail of our conversation as we walked back to the car. I already had ‘thoughts’ about how the wedding might go. I was quite surprised myself. Very wisely, we agreed to have the ceremony fairly quickly to avoid wedding fatigue, and within eight months, we were wed. We were clear on a few traditions we didn’t intend to partake in. There was no cake (I was gluten-free, and David doesn’t like fruit cake), no line-up (cringy and unnecessary, everyone just wants to get a drink!), and there were no favours on the table for guests (partly for environmental reasons, and it also gave us one less thing to worry about). Not being religious, we didn’t get married in a church. I was mainly interested in the flowers and the food. The rest was less important, which is just as well because the seamstress who altered my dress got it a bit wrong. Not that anyone else would have noticed.

Having read my copy of Wedded Wife: A Feminist History of Marriage by Rachael Lennon, I realise there is so much more bound up in traditions than I realised. The passive role women play in wedding ceremonies. If I married again, I think I’d probably say something during the wedding breakfast. Would I still ask my Dad to ‘give me away’? It’s an institution primarily shaped by men, and women have been highlighting this and pushing against it for hundreds of years, their protests often falling on deaf ears. Same-sex marriages have raised awareness and pushed against traditions because when there are two people of the same gender, it becomes much more apparent that the act of marriage can be unequal or unfair towards women. Or what have become ingrained traditions are based on an inequitable past.

Rachael’s book is extremely well-researched and full of literary references, court documents and newspaper extracts. She lifts the lid on where various traditions come from, from the expectation to consummate a marriage through to the wearing of a ring. I was shocked to read it in parts. I didn’t know it wasn’t until 1948 that British women were able to retain their nationality in marriage, for example. Or that throughout the world, approx. one in five women is married off before their eighteenth birthday.

Rachael wants to build on the past to redefine marriage for the future. I think women owe it to themselves to understand the traditions and to question some of them. If you want to marry and follow a tradition, that’s great, but do it because you want to, not because it’s expected. And be careful in whose footsteps you tread.

Recent five star reads

I always review the books I am gifted with but sometimes run out of time to review the books I have bought.

So here is a quick round-up of the books I’ve read so far in 2023 that I’ve rated five stars:

A Duck Out Of Water: Mum, dementia and care home life by Helen Johns.

This is such an important book. It’s Helen’s account of her mother’s dementia and their experience of the care system. It will help anyone working in the care sector to improve their patient care. It will help anyone with relatives in a care home to know if their loved one is receiving the best care possible. I hope Helen realises the impact she will have by sharing her writing and, through her wider consulting work, a continuation of the positive impact she clearly had on care during her Mum Rita’s time in her care home.

Helen was absolutely dedicated to her mum, and her love for her shines through. Then there is Helen’s amazing ability to organise, influence others and seek solutions. This has resulted in an engaging book with heart-warming and honest writing, giving practical advice. Part 4 – A Better Way for All of Us is extremely clear and influential, and the tips are all the more likely to be taken up because Helen’s personal experiences precede them.

Thank You For The Kiss: Will They Ever Let Me Go by Beth Jordan

I was lucky enough to read an early draft of Thank You For The Kiss and was blown away by this story, which reads like a novel but is inspired by real events. The book starts out with heady, hopeful days in the seductive streets of Cuba. I danced with Gina as I read the book and felt her excitement.

We then move towards something much darker and more shocking, especially at the end. I was completely hooked. The book sat with me for days afterwards, and I found it very thought-provoking.

Grasping The Nettle: Tales from a Modern Country Gardener by Tamsin Westhorpe

I giggled and smiled through this charming memoir. There were many stories I could personally relate to, and they were all told in such a lovely way. Tamsin has had many interesting experiences in horticulture, and each chapter is a standalone story in its own right, making it very easy to read. Putting it down when it was time for bed was much harder!

A Terrible Kindness by Jo Browning Wroe

I adore books which teach me something about worlds I know nothing about. This novel is so descriptive. It taught me much about funeral directors’ work and a little about the Aberfan disaster. William is a flawed character due to his experience at Aberfan. He carries his trauma with him and makes mistakes because of it. It’s a coming-of-age novel exploring loss, redemption and healing. Keep the tissues handy.

The Red of my Blood: A Death and Life Story by Clover Stroud

Clover’s writing always pulls me in until I am entirely immersed. As I’m reading, I feel like I know her. I want to hug her and take her pain away. She is unflinchingly honest, and her unravelling thoughts are almost (but not quite) too much to bear. Death will come to us all, but it is still taboo. I welcome the opportunity to learn more about how it can make you feel, and it helped me to understand how others may be feeling after the loss of someone they love and adore. I was fascinated by Clover’s heightened sense of colour.

My Hygge Home: How to Make Home Your Happy Place by Meik Wiking

Meik’s books are a beacon of positivity. This one combines Danish hygge and design principles to encourage us to review our homes and bring in more joy. Are they places which encourage positive behaviour? Do they remind us of happy times in our lives? Do they allow conversation? It’s peppered with statistics; each chapter is backed up with science. It’s a book you can read all in one go or dip in and out. It’s beautifully designed, combining photos and graphics to illustrate each point.

Meik says to think function first and allow your space to remind you of what you love doing. So, I’ve decided to replace a messy playroom/office with a space my daughter and I can share to encourage our writing, art and sewing.

A great read for Ingrid Fettell-Lee fans and anyone who buys into hygge and wants to make their home a happy place.

A future classic

It’s my stop today, and day one, on the Random Things blogger tour for The Last Tree: Seed of Hope by Luke Adam Hawker. Sometimes I am sent a book to review, and upon opening it, I immediately know it will take a place on the shelves I reserve for books I will always keep. The Last Tree is definitely a keeper. It tells the tale of Olive, a young girl living in a world without trees. My heart sinks at the thought of such a place and should encourage us all to double down on our mission to reverse the damage we have inflicted on our planet. Young Olive visits The Last Tree Museum and there embarks on a magical journey of discovery.

The book is full of valuable life lessons. The words are great, but the hand-drawn illustrations are incredible. They are scribbly in places and neat in others. The lines are repetitive, soothing and mesmerising. There are engaging vignettes, well-observed close-ups, and epic wide shots, which draw me into the detail. In these, I see something different each time I flick through the pages. It makes me want to pick up a pencil or drawing pen. Luke’s background as an architectural designer, before coming a full-time artist in 2015, shines through. Some of you may also recognise his drawing style from his appearance on Sky Arts Landscape Artist of The Year recently.

I am often cautious of over-hyping a book, lest readers are subsequently disappointed. There is no such concern here. The Last Tree is set to become a classic. It’s a celebration of life, trees and our responsibility to keep Earth alive.

My ten-year-old daughter also read it. She says the story is sweet and heart-warming, and that the illustrations are beautiful.

It’s certainly a book for the young and old, and everyone in between.

Awaking the power of self-publishing

As a self-published author, I know that getting a book out there in the world can be challenging. So I’m always thankful when other authors take the time to share their hints and tips.

Rudi Muchoko tells us that in Awakening the Power of Self-Publishing you’ll discover: The importance of building an author brand and establishing author credibility, The differences between traditional publishing methods and self-publishing, The advantages of getting book reviews, Establishing and maintaining meaningful publishing relationships, Maximising your online presence, Creating a successful book marketing strategy, Keeping your book relevant and profitable after it has been published! Although the book publishing process can be complex, you can effectively develop your author brand if you are persistent, have a good work ethic, and are dedicated.

About the author
As a creative, publisher, and author, Rudo Muchoko has become a passionate supporter of publishing works. She writes, edits, publishes and sells books, magazines, and audiobooks with the aim to lead and mentor authors using the suggestions in her book Awakening the Power of Self Publishing: the ultimate Guide. Based in Birmingham UK, Rudo is also a Guest Blogger for The Book Network and an Executive Contributor for Brainz Magazine.

Strong Female Character

It’s my stop on the blog tour for Strong Female Character by comedian Fern Brady, known for her recent Taskmaster appearance and no-nonsense Scottish humour. She has written an open and honest memoir about growing up and not knowing she is autistic but knowing she is very different from others. She is kicked out of home, hates school and, whilst at university, finds freedom in strip clubs where she can be herself as she works. She doesn’t need to make small talk. She suffers abuse in a toxic relationship. She turns to alcohol and drugs.

“If you’ve ever been on a night out where you got blackout drunk and have
laughed the next day as your friends tell you all the stupid stuff you said, that’s
what being autistic feels like for me: one long blackout night of drinking, except
there’s no socially sanctioned excuse for your gaffes and no one is laughing.”

Fern has had to write a book to tell her peers, the TV industry and her fans that she is autistic. She has had to write a book to explain her meltdowns and what causes them. She didn’t want to be the person in the public eye to explain meltdowns where she smashes up furniture, but no one else stepped up.

It’s the second such book I have read this year, having equally enjoyed Chloe Hayden’s Different Not Less. Chloe’s memoir is more like a self-help book, whereas Fern’s takes us through her chaotic life as a way to boost awareness of what it’s been like to be autistic. Her straight-talking is funny but eye-opening, intriguing but shocking.

We need more stories like this. This is just one person’s account, and it possibly throws up more questions than answers. It throws the doors open and sheds some light on Fern’s lived experiences. This has to be positive, and I salute Fern for being so frank in her writing. I’m sure many people will find this relatable, and be glad she has been brave enough to put her head above the parapet.

Hannah Powell is a book blogger, author and director of two garden centres. Her award-winning memoir, The Cactus Surgeon, compares her days in the concrete of London, leading to burnout, with her nature-rich upbringing in rural Essex. It’s a nature and health memoir full of mindful moments.

Are we doing those who are sensitive a disservice?

silhouette of asian woman behind tree branch near endless ocean

It’s my stop on the Blog Tour for Sensitive by Hannah Jane Walker.

Here is some of the book’s info: Hannah Jane Walker is a very sensitive person, along with at least a fifth of the population. Like many, she was conditioned to believe this was a weakness and a trait that she should try and overcome. When she had her first child and realised that her little girl was sensitive too, Hannah decided to find out whether sensitivity might in fact be a positive trait. Her question led to some fascinating answers and ongoing research that suggests survival and thriving is not only limited to the fittest, but to the sensitive.

I was fascinated by this book. I read The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron a couple of years ago, and so was interested in Hannah’s take on the subject of sensitive people. I enjoyed how she combines accounts of her lived experiences with wide-ranging expert interviews. Her research is extremely thorough, thought-provoking, and some salient points shall stay with me, which is generally the sign of a good book.

I was particularly interested in the observations about our connection with nature, now compared with the past. Hannah tells us, “To live in balance with environment requires the skill of sensitivity – to hold the idea of ourselves as part of something”. When I suffered burnout and functional neurological disorder in 2009, I felt like I was missing a layer of skin – physically and mentally. I was stuck in hyper sensitive mode. Nature was one of the things which helped me to heal. I was able to tune into it in a more intense way than I had ever done previously, and it helped me to feel part of something bigger than myself. This gave me hope and a break from my day to day worries.

And the chapter about gut instinct was fascinating. It referenced interoception – the brain’s awareness of your bodily state – which I first heard about when I took part in the Uncertainty Experts. To use interoception is to listen to our brain’s conversation with our body. Boy, I wish I did that as I was heading to burnout.

This book will appeal to anyone who is sensitive or hangs out with sensitive family or friends. And to anyone, like me, who is super curious and wants to learn more about people. The biggest lesson I take away from books like this is that we are all different. This book in particular, demonstrated that there is a sliding scale of sensitivity, and we need people from across the spectrum – both in our work teams and in society as a whole. The positive traits are not always celebrated as much as they should be. On a more specific note, in the chapter about sensitive people at work HR Consultant Christine Garner gave advice for team meetings. I will do my best to offer diverse ways for people to contribute and give feedback. Some people, particularly highly sensitive people, may need more time than is offered to contribute.

Phrases like “they are too sensitive” are almost always used as a pejorative, a way to put someone down or to move away from emotions which make us feel awkward or embarrassed.

I hope this book helps those who are sensitive to find their place in the world. And for me? I will be more careful how I use the word sensitive and will continue my quest to be understanding of others.

I was gifted a copy of the book in return for an honest review.

Changing my relationship with food

I have suffered from IBS for years. I have tried acupuncture, seen nutritionists and been on a low FODMAP exclusion and reintroduction diet via a dietician. Nothing really worked, and the list of food I am triggered by has got longer every year.

So, for the last six weeks, I have been persevering with the Nerva app, a hypnotherapy app which is clinically proven to improve IBS symptoms for 80% of users. It’s best if you do it every day for six weeks. I managed nearly all of the sessions. I had tried it twice previously but didn’t fully commit and couldn’t get past week one. This time I had a strict word with myself, saying there was no other option and that I had to do the sessions if I wanted to get better. I did really well until week 6, when we rehomed a rescue dog and my days/brain were fully consumed with dog-related tasks.

Nerva is an evidence-based digital therapeutic that uses gut-directed hypnotherapy to help you create a positive relationship between your gut and brain. It targets the source of the problem: oversensitive nerves in the gut, and teaches you how to address this miscommunication between the gut and brain.

As well as hypnotherapy, you get daily articles to read and breathing exercises to bring your body out of the fight-or-flight state (sympathetic nervous system response) that amplifies IBS symptoms.

Hypnotherapy is very relaxing. I found I have to do it in the daytime, as if I do it in the evening, I fall asleep. Being ‘under’ feels a bit like when you are nearly asleep and can hear everything around you but can’t move and are in a trance-like state. The positive suggestions I heard whilst hypnotised were very powerful. I felt myself smiling during and afterwards at the thought of my symptoms getting better and better. I hadn’t realised how hypervigilant I had become about food.

The results have been good, and I’d definitely recommend it. I am much more relaxed about eating foods which I would have previously seen as trigger foods, and I have had fewer symptoms. I went to a conference at the end of January where normally I would expect to have a bloated stomach, pain and wind because it would be impossible to avoid the things I stay away from at home – garlic and onion, for example. However, I was very chilled this time and even tucked into some of the batter on my fish and chips without even thinking about it, which is normally a no-no for me unless I know it’s gluten-free. I didn’t even ask what was in it and felt fine afterwards. It’s a huge relief to worry less, and I’m sure it will continue to reduce symptoms. Studies have shown hypnotherapy can provide long-lasting IBS management.

Moving forward, I will be much more relaxed when I eat out and will also start to experiment more with foods that have been on my no-list. I will continue with the maintenance programme they offer to ensure my progress continues.

Three things I’ve learnt during this process:

I have to be really committed to introducing a new habit to my week – even finding 15-20 mins per day was hard and became impossible when I had a dog to fit into my daily routine.
Hypnotherapy is powerful. I’d definitely consider it for other things. It can make a change; all you have to do is listen and be open-minded.
Food is not the enemy! Rather, my brain and gut have become misguided, and they can be retrained.