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How to deal with FND (or unexplained medical symptoms)

In 2009 I was diagnosed with functional neurological disorder (FND). The symptoms, including severe and uncontrolled twitching and spasms, came from the body not functioning because of faulty brain signals. There were no structural changes to be seen on a scan.

I had a diagnosis, but whilst I now had a name for it, the path back to good health wouldn’t be easy. Had I been diagnosed earlier – before I’d found my own way through – the hospital would apparently have provided occupational therapy, psychiatry and physiotherapy. When they told me what was wrong, I was already sorting myself out by other means. Happy for me to continue on my own path, they discharged me.

The journey to diagnosis had been highly stressful. If I’d been told from the offset what was wrong, I doubt it would have gotten so bad. For me, uncertainty bred anxiety and depression, which made the FND worse. The NHS is good at ticking things off lists, and, of course, this needs to be done. Many doctors admit that they are good at treating illness but often can’t help people who are unwell with something that is not adequately understood. Still physically in crisis, the doctors left me to wait for this glitch or imbalance to evaporate.

I am sometimes contacted by people who have been diagnosed with FND and are not receiving adequate care and support via the NHS. Things are improving, and there are some excellent consultants and departments doing brilliant work, but sadly others are still left to go it alone.

So, here is my quick guide to helping yourself whilst you wait for support:

  1. Check out these excellent online resources – neurosymptoms.org and FND Hope. They will help you get your head around your diagnosis. I found it important to try and accept the diagnosis.
  2. Find something to give you a break from the negative thoughts and the worry you will have about your situation. When I was ill I went for a walk every day (not easy when walking sets off the symptoms) and told myself I had to take one good photo every day. This made me really absorb myself in nature for a while, which I am sure helped me.
  3. Accept help if it’s offered, and be specific about what you need.
  4. If you have the budget available, consider alternative therapies. I had acupuncture and cranial-osteopathy, which gave me regular appointments with practitioners who cared for and supported me in ways the NHS team couldn’t. Anything that relaxes you and makes you feel more in control must be good.
  5. It’s also good to consider talking therapies. I found counselling invaluable both in terms of offloading emotions I’d been holding onto for years but also in coping with being off work and on a very uncertain journey with my health. NHS waiting lists can be long, but there are other avenues which you can find out about on the MIND website.

I’ve written blogs around counselling, acupuncture and why nature makes us happy.

You can find all this information and much more in my book The Cactus Surgeon: Using Nature to Fix A Faulty Brain which is on sale now!

Recent five star reads

I always review the books I am gifted with but sometimes run out of time to review the books I have bought.

So here is a quick round-up of the books I’ve read so far in 2023 that I’ve rated five stars:

A Duck Out Of Water: Mum, dementia and care home life by Helen Johns.

This is such an important book. It’s Helen’s account of her mother’s dementia and their experience of the care system. It will help anyone working in the care sector to improve their patient care. It will help anyone with relatives in a care home to know if their loved one is receiving the best care possible. I hope Helen realises the impact she will have by sharing her writing and, through her wider consulting work, a continuation of the positive impact she clearly had on care during her Mum Rita’s time in her care home.

Helen was absolutely dedicated to her mum, and her love for her shines through. Then there is Helen’s amazing ability to organise, influence others and seek solutions. This has resulted in an engaging book with heart-warming and honest writing, giving practical advice. Part 4 – A Better Way for All of Us is extremely clear and influential, and the tips are all the more likely to be taken up because Helen’s personal experiences precede them.

Thank You For The Kiss: Will They Ever Let Me Go by Beth Jordan

I was lucky enough to read an early draft of Thank You For The Kiss and was blown away by this story, which reads like a novel but is inspired by real events. The book starts out with heady, hopeful days in the seductive streets of Cuba. I danced with Gina as I read the book and felt her excitement.

We then move towards something much darker and more shocking, especially at the end. I was completely hooked. The book sat with me for days afterwards, and I found it very thought-provoking.

Grasping The Nettle: Tales from a Modern Country Gardener by Tamsin Westhorpe

I giggled and smiled through this charming memoir. There were many stories I could personally relate to, and they were all told in such a lovely way. Tamsin has had many interesting experiences in horticulture, and each chapter is a standalone story in its own right, making it very easy to read. Putting it down when it was time for bed was much harder!

A Terrible Kindness by Jo Browning Wroe

I adore books which teach me something about worlds I know nothing about. This novel is so descriptive. It taught me much about funeral directors’ work and a little about the Aberfan disaster. William is a flawed character due to his experience at Aberfan. He carries his trauma with him and makes mistakes because of it. It’s a coming-of-age novel exploring loss, redemption and healing. Keep the tissues handy.

The Red of my Blood: A Death and Life Story by Clover Stroud

Clover’s writing always pulls me in until I am entirely immersed. As I’m reading, I feel like I know her. I want to hug her and take her pain away. She is unflinchingly honest, and her unravelling thoughts are almost (but not quite) too much to bear. Death will come to us all, but it is still taboo. I welcome the opportunity to learn more about how it can make you feel, and it helped me to understand how others may be feeling after the loss of someone they love and adore. I was fascinated by Clover’s heightened sense of colour.

My Hygge Home: How to Make Home Your Happy Place by Meik Wiking

Meik’s books are a beacon of positivity. This one combines Danish hygge and design principles to encourage us to review our homes and bring in more joy. Are they places which encourage positive behaviour? Do they remind us of happy times in our lives? Do they allow conversation? It’s peppered with statistics; each chapter is backed up with science. It’s a book you can read all in one go or dip in and out. It’s beautifully designed, combining photos and graphics to illustrate each point.

Meik says to think function first and allow your space to remind you of what you love doing. So, I’ve decided to replace a messy playroom/office with a space my daughter and I can share to encourage our writing, art and sewing.

A great read for Ingrid Fettell-Lee fans and anyone who buys into hygge and wants to make their home a happy place.

A future classic

It’s my stop today, and day one, on the Random Things blogger tour for The Last Tree: Seed of Hope by Luke Adam Hawker. Sometimes I am sent a book to review, and upon opening it, I immediately know it will take a place on the shelves I reserve for books I will always keep. The Last Tree is definitely a keeper. It tells the tale of Olive, a young girl living in a world without trees. My heart sinks at the thought of such a place and should encourage us all to double down on our mission to reverse the damage we have inflicted on our planet. Young Olive visits The Last Tree Museum and there embarks on a magical journey of discovery.

The book is full of valuable life lessons. The words are great, but the hand-drawn illustrations are incredible. They are scribbly in places and neat in others. The lines are repetitive, soothing and mesmerising. There are engaging vignettes, well-observed close-ups, and epic wide shots, which draw me into the detail. In these, I see something different each time I flick through the pages. It makes me want to pick up a pencil or drawing pen. Luke’s background as an architectural designer, before coming a full-time artist in 2015, shines through. Some of you may also recognise his drawing style from his appearance on Sky Arts Landscape Artist of The Year recently.

I am often cautious of over-hyping a book, lest readers are subsequently disappointed. There is no such concern here. The Last Tree is set to become a classic. It’s a celebration of life, trees and our responsibility to keep Earth alive.

My ten-year-old daughter also read it. She says the story is sweet and heart-warming, and that the illustrations are beautiful.

It’s certainly a book for the young and old, and everyone in between.

This blog is written by Hannah Powell, book blogger, author and director of two garden centres. Her award-winning memoir, The Cactus Surgeon, compares her days in the concrete of London, leading to burnout, with her nature-rich upbringing in rural Essex. It’s a nature and health memoir full of mindful moments.

Awaking the power of self-publishing

As a self-published author, I know that getting a book out there in the world can be challenging. So I’m always thankful when other authors take the time to share their hints and tips.

Rudi Muchoko tells us that in Awakening the Power of Self-Publishing you’ll discover: The importance of building an author brand and establishing author credibility, The differences between traditional publishing methods and self-publishing, The advantages of getting book reviews, Establishing and maintaining meaningful publishing relationships, Maximising your online presence, Creating a successful book marketing strategy, Keeping your book relevant and profitable after it has been published! Although the book publishing process can be complex, you can effectively develop your author brand if you are persistent, have a good work ethic, and are dedicated.

About the author
As a creative, publisher, and author, Rudo Muchoko has become a passionate supporter of publishing works. She writes, edits, publishes and sells books, magazines, and audiobooks with the aim to lead and mentor authors using the suggestions in her book Awakening the Power of Self Publishing: the ultimate Guide. Based in Birmingham UK, Rudo is also a Guest Blogger for The Book Network and an Executive Contributor for Brainz Magazine.

This blog is written by Hannah Powell, book blogger, author and director of two garden centres. Her award-winning memoir, The Cactus Surgeon, compares her days in the concrete of London, leading to burnout, with her nature-rich upbringing in rural Essex. It’s a nature and health memoir full of mindful moments.

Strong Female Character

It’s my stop on the blog tour for Strong Female Character by comedian Fern Brady, known for her recent Taskmaster appearance and no-nonsense Scottish humour. She has written an open and honest memoir about growing up and not knowing she is autistic but knowing she is very different from others. She is kicked out of home, hates school and, whilst at university, finds freedom in strip clubs where she can be herself as she works. She doesn’t need to make small talk. She suffers abuse in a toxic relationship. She turns to alcohol and drugs.

“If you’ve ever been on a night out where you got blackout drunk and have
laughed the next day as your friends tell you all the stupid stuff you said, that’s
what being autistic feels like for me: one long blackout night of drinking, except
there’s no socially sanctioned excuse for your gaffes and no one is laughing.”

Fern has had to write a book to tell her peers, the TV industry and her fans that she is autistic. She has had to write a book to explain her meltdowns and what causes them. She didn’t want to be the person in the public eye to explain meltdowns where she smashes up furniture, but no one else stepped up.

It’s the second such book I have read this year, having equally enjoyed Chloe Hayden’s Different Not Less. Chloe’s memoir is more like a self-help book, whereas Fern’s takes us through her chaotic life as a way to boost awareness of what it’s been like to be autistic. Her straight-talking is funny but eye-opening, intriguing but shocking.

We need more stories like this. This is just one person’s account, and it possibly throws up more questions than answers. It throws the doors open and sheds some light on Fern’s lived experiences. This has to be positive, and I salute Fern for being so frank in her writing. I’m sure many people will find this relatable, and be glad she has been brave enough to put her head above the parapet.

Hannah Powell is a book blogger, author and director of two garden centres. Her award-winning memoir, The Cactus Surgeon, compares her days in the concrete of London, leading to burnout, with her nature-rich upbringing in rural Essex. It’s a nature and health memoir full of mindful moments.

Are we doing those who are sensitive a disservice?

It’s my stop on the Blog Tour for Sensitive by Hannah Jane Walker.

Here is some of the book’s info: Hannah Jane Walker is a very sensitive person, along with at least a fifth of the population. Like many, she was conditioned to believe this was a weakness and a trait that she should try and overcome. When she had her first child and realised that her little girl was sensitive too, Hannah decided to find out whether sensitivity might in fact be a positive trait. Her question led to some fascinating answers and ongoing research that suggests survival and thriving is not only limited to the fittest, but to the sensitive.

I was fascinated by this book. I read The Highly Sensitive Child by Elaine Aron a couple of years ago, and so was interested in Hannah’s take on the subject of sensitive people. I enjoyed how she combines accounts of her lived experiences with wide-ranging expert interviews. Her research is extremely thorough, thought-provoking, and some salient points shall stay with me, which is generally the sign of a good book.

I was particularly interested in the observations about our connection with nature, now compared with the past. Hannah tells us, “To live in balance with environment requires the skill of sensitivity – to hold the idea of ourselves as part of something”. When I suffered burnout and functional neurological disorder in 2009, I felt like I was missing a layer of skin – physically and mentally. I was stuck in hyper sensitive mode. Nature was one of the things which helped me to heal. I was able to tune into it in a more intense way than I had ever done previously, and it helped me to feel part of something bigger than myself. This gave me hope and a break from my day to day worries.

And the chapter about gut instinct was fascinating. It referenced interoception – the brain’s awareness of your bodily state – which I first heard about when I took part in the Uncertainty Experts. To use interoception is to listen to our brain’s conversation with our body. Boy, I wish I did that as I was heading to burnout.

This book will appeal to anyone who is sensitive or hangs out with sensitive family or friends. And to anyone, like me, who is super curious and wants to learn more about people. The biggest lesson I take away from books like this is that we are all different. This book in particular, demonstrated that there is a sliding scale of sensitivity, and we need people from across the spectrum – both in our work teams and in society as a whole. The positive traits are not always celebrated as much as they should be. On a more specific note, in the chapter about sensitive people at work HR Consultant Christine Garner gave advice for team meetings. I will do my best to offer diverse ways for people to contribute and give feedback. Some people, particularly highly sensitive people, may need more time than is offered to contribute.

Phrases like “they are too sensitive” are almost always used as a pejorative, a way to put someone down or to move away from emotions which make us feel awkward or embarrassed.

I hope this book helps those who are sensitive to find their place in the world. And for me? I will be more careful how I use the word sensitive and will continue my quest to be understanding of others.

I was gifted a copy of the book in return for an honest review.

Hannah Powell is a book blogger, author and director of two garden centres. Her award-winning memoir, The Cactus Surgeon, compares her days in the concrete of London, leading to burnout, with her nature-rich upbringing in rural Essex. It’s a nature and health memoir full of mindful moments.

Changing my relationship with food

I have suffered from IBS for years. I have tried acupuncture, seen nutritionists and been on a low FODMAP exclusion and reintroduction diet via a dietician. Nothing really worked, and the list of food I am triggered by has got longer every year.

So, for the last six weeks, I have been persevering with the Nerva app, a hypnotherapy app which is clinically proven to improve IBS symptoms for 80% of users. It’s best if you do it every day for six weeks. I managed nearly all of the sessions. I had tried it twice previously but didn’t fully commit and couldn’t get past week one. This time I had a strict word with myself, saying there was no other option and that I had to do the sessions if I wanted to get better. I did really well until week 6, when we rehomed a rescue dog and my days/brain were fully consumed with dog-related tasks.

Nerva is an evidence-based digital therapeutic that uses gut-directed hypnotherapy to help you create a positive relationship between your gut and brain. It targets the source of the problem: oversensitive nerves in the gut, and teaches you how to address this miscommunication between the gut and brain.

As well as hypnotherapy, you get daily articles to read and breathing exercises to bring your body out of the fight-or-flight state (sympathetic nervous system response) that amplifies IBS symptoms.

Hypnotherapy is very relaxing. I found I have to do it in the daytime, as if I do it in the evening, I fall asleep. Being ‘under’ feels a bit like when you are nearly asleep and can hear everything around you but can’t move and are in a trance-like state. The positive suggestions I heard whilst hypnotised were very powerful. I felt myself smiling during and afterwards at the thought of my symptoms getting better and better. I hadn’t realised how hypervigilant I had become about food.

The results have been good, and I’d definitely recommend it. I am much more relaxed about eating foods which I would have previously seen as trigger foods, and I have had fewer symptoms. I went to a conference at the end of January where normally I would expect to have a bloated stomach, pain and wind because it would be impossible to avoid the things I stay away from at home – garlic and onion, for example. However, I was very chilled this time and even tucked into some of the batter on my fish and chips without even thinking about it, which is normally a no-no for me unless I know it’s gluten-free. I didn’t even ask what was in it and felt fine afterwards. It’s a huge relief to worry less, and I’m sure it will continue to reduce symptoms. Studies have shown hypnotherapy can provide long-lasting IBS management.

Moving forward, I will be much more relaxed when I eat out and will also start to experiment more with foods that have been on my no-list. I will continue with the maintenance programme they offer to ensure my progress continues.

Three things I’ve learnt during this process:

  • I have to be really committed to introducing a new habit to my week – even finding 15-20 mins per day was hard and became impossible when I had a dog to fit into my daily routine.
  • Hypnotherapy is powerful. I’d definitely consider it for other things. It can make a change; all you have to do is listen and be open-minded.
  • Food is not the enemy! Rather, my brain and gut have become misguided, and they can be retrained.

Song of Silver, Flame Like Night

I am a huge fan of fantasy books, but they can be predictable. If you’ve read a few, you know what I mean. Song of Silver, Flame Like Night is a breath of fresh air. It’s set against a rich backdrop inspired by Chinese mythology. The lead characters, Lan and Zen, are multi-faceted and intriguing, and I felt invested in their stories from the first few pages. The peripheral characters are no less interesting and left me wanting more.

The book is fascinating whether you know anything about Chinese myths and legends or not. My only link to China is the Tai Chi I practice once a week! Amelie is a captivating writer. Each chapter is fast-paced, and the plot twists and turns. She is not sentimental with her characters, so you never really know who will survive. Having finished, I definitely want to know when the sequel is due.

More about the book:

Once, Lan had a different name. Now, she goes by the one the Elantian colonizers gave her when they invaded her kingdom, killed her mother, and outlawed her people’s magic. She spends her nights as a songgirl in Haak’gong, a city transformed by the conquerors, and spends her days scavenging for remnants of the past. For anything that might help her understand the strange mark burned into her arm by her mother, in her last act before she died. No one can see the mysterious mark, an untranslatable Hin character, except Lan. Until the night a boy appears at the teahouse and saves her life.
Zen is a practitioner – one of the fabled magicians of the Last Kingdom, whose abilities were rumoured to be drawn from the demons they communed with. Magic believed to be long lost. Magic to be hidden from the Elantians at all costs. Both Lan and Zen have secrets buried deep within. Fate has connected them, but their destiny
remains unwritten. Both hold the power to liberate their land. And both hold the power to destroy the world.

I was gifted a copy of Song of Silver, Flame Like Night in return for an honest review.

Hannah Powell is a book blogger, author and director of two garden centres. Her award-winning memoir, The Cactus Surgeon, compares her days in the concrete of London, leading to burnout, with her nature-rich upbringing in rural Essex. It’s a nature and health memoir full of mindful moments.

Different, Not Less

I was gifted a digital copy of Different Not Less by Netflix’s Heartbreak High star and disability advocate Chloe Hayden as part of a Random Things Blog Tour.

Growing up, Chloé Hayden felt like she’d crash-landed on an alien planet where nothing made sense. Eye contact? Small talk? And why are you people so touch-
oriented? None of it made sense.

Chloé desperately wished to be part of the fairytales she so dearly loved. A world in
which the lead is considered a hero because of their differences, rather than excluded
and pushed aside for them. She moved between 10 schools in 8 years, struggling to become a person she believed society would accept. After years of being ‘weird, quirky, Chloé’ she was eventually diagnosed with autism and ADHD. It was only after a life-changing group of allies showed her that different did not mean less that she learned to celebrate her true voice and find her happily ever after.

I found it enlightening and informative. I especially liked how it was not only full of Chloe’s lived experiences but also packed with her useful tips. For example (and this is great advice for everyone!): Curate your Instagram feed and fill your bookshelves with humans of different body types, neurotypes, sexualities, genders, ethnicities…create a new normal. There is also advice for women on handling their periods, when their sensitivities may be heightened, and managing mental health and burnout.

I can imagine that this book would be extremely helpful for neurodivergents to read and will help them feel seen and understood. For me (a neurotypical), reading this book was like peeling back the many layers of an onion. It was difficult to read in parts because of some of Chloe’s experiences, but it was also a privilege to read it, and I learnt an awful lot. Chloe’s perspective on life is both eye-opening and heartfelt.

It feels like we are living in a time of positive change. Whilst there is a way to go, I hope we look back on the 2020s as the start of an era when being neurodivergent is truly seen as being different, not less. Bravo Chloe.

I’d recommend this book for neurodivergent teens or adults. Also, for anyone else who is curious and who wants to understand better and support the neurodivergent community.

If you think you know trees, think again!

Thirteen Ways to Smell a Tree: A celebration of our connection with trees is a small, easy-to-read non-fiction book packed with facts and insights – both historical and modern-day. The author, David George Haskell, took me around the world to get up close and personal with some of the world’s most marvellous trees, including one of my favourites, the Ginko, and one I’d never heard of, the American Basswood. He also encourages readers to explore trees outside of their natural habitat, closer to home, through the aroma of books, gin & tonic and olive oil.

This book reminded me to open my nostrils and focus on scents when surrounded by trees. I love being reminded to engage with nature in different ways. It is so essential to our fight against climate change. Those who connect with the natural world are far more likely to take action to avoid further damaging our amazing green planet.

After reading, I stepped out of the house I was staying in, where I have been many times before I was knocked backwards by the scent of the lavender outside the door. The book had focused my mind on my sense of smell, and I was now primed to enjoy the soporific, soothing aromas oozing from the small, unassuming bushes in front of me. The book served as a great reminder not to only rely on my eyes and ears when I am out and about.

If you think you know trees, think again. It would make a great present for nature lovers or for anyone who is curious and loves to learn.

I was given a free copy of the book in return for an honest review by Random Things Tours.

Hannah is the author of The Cactus Surgeon, a nature & health memoir. Living in London, Hannah suffered burnout and was diagnosed with a functional neurological disorder. With no information available to help her, she found her own way to get better.

Growing up in a garden centre, her childhood was full of nature and plants. This starkly contrasted with the concrete of the capital, where she became unwell. In searching for the answers to her illness, she wonders whether being torn from her pot and replanted in a more hostile environment was why her body started to malfunction.

After seeking out alternative therapies, and moving to the countryside of North Essex, her ‘green recovery’ continued. It’s a book of mindful moments, savouring the small wonders of nature.

An unreliable biography

It’s my stop on the blogger tour! The Call of the Cormorant is Donald Murray’s unreliable biography of Karl Einarsson, a child born in the Faroe Islands who became a serial scammer living in Nazi Berlin. It was more like a wholly fictional tale, so outrageous was Karl’s life. It’s a very unusual book, full of intriguing references to places I have never been to (and can’t even pronounce!).

From the author of the prize-winning As the Women Lay Dreaming comes a remarkable ‘unreliable biography’ of Karl Kjerúlf Einarsson: an artist and an adventurer, a polyglot and a performer, a charlatan and a mountebank, forever in search of Atlantis. As a child in the windswept, fog-bound Faroe Islands in the late nineteenth century, Karl Einarsson believes he is special, destined for a life of art and adventure. As soon as he can, he sets out for Copenhagen and beyond, styling himself as the Count of St. Kilda. He’s an observer and citizen of nowhere, a serial swindler of aristocrats and Nazis, fishermen and fops. But when his adventures find him in 1930s Berlin, he is forced for the first time to reckon with something much bigger than himself. As the Nazis rise to power around him, his wilful ignorance becomes unwitting complicity, even betrayal. Based on a true story, this is a fantastical tale of island life, of those who leave and those who stay behind, and the many dangers of delusions and false identities.

The characters are extremely well observed. Karl is not a likeable fellow! I enjoyed the inclusion of narration from others around him, allowing us to see his full character, for good and bad. He was a child with such potential and a desire to travel, yet he ultimately used his talents and ability to mimic for ill-gotten gains. In stark contrast, his sister Christianna leads a much less rich life and, despite temptation, stays on the right side of the law and morality. Her presence grounded the book and reminded us how Karl could have gone down a different path.

Donald’s writing is interesting, unpredictable and unusual. He brings in all sorts of literary references, giving me a real understanding of the time’s dark historical events and conspiracy theories.

Donald S Murray is a writer and poet whose work has been awarded The Society of Authors’ Paul Torday Memorial Prize and the Callum Macdonald Memorial Award at Scotland’s National Book Awards 2021. His critically acclaimed books bring to life the culture and nature of the Scottish islands, and he appears regularly on BBC Radio 4 and BBC Radio Scotland.

Donald Murray

I was given a free copy of the book in return for an honest review by Random Things Tours.

Hannah is the author of The Cactus Surgeon, a nature & health memoir. Living in London, Hannah suffered burnout and was diagnosed with a functional neurological disorder. With no information available to help her, she found her own way to get better.

Growing up in a garden centre, her childhood was full of nature and plants. This starkly contrasted with the concrete of the capital, where she became unwell. In searching for the answers to her illness, she wonders whether being torn from her pot and replanted in a more hostile environment was why her body started to malfunction.

After seeking out alternative therapies, and moving to the countryside of North Essex, her ‘green recovery’ continued. It’s a book of mindful moments, savouring the small wonders of nature.